
As a a couples therapist in Boulder, CO, and a family therapist, we don't just talk about problems all the time, we also assess and celebrate what the couple or the family were able to change for the better. Sometimes we even start a session with looking at the wins that the couple or family had since the last time we spoke. That's important because that part of our brain needs to be trained: giving ourselves the credit for creating positive change, and achieving our goals (even if it's in such an ambiguous areas such as communication or relationships), otherwise we'll just be stuck in the forever cycle of "it's never enough".
I'd like to take this opportunity and practice what I preach: celebrate. And, share an excerpt that you might find helpful.
First, celebrating the completion of a book that's a culmination of 5 years of writing. Completion, at the end of tremendous effort just feels good.
Second, the fact that so many found the book helpful that it became for a while a #1 bestseller book in "counseling books" on Amazon, and #2 bestseller in "happiness books".

And third, seeing in my author portal that people actually read the book, sometimes 500 pages total a day, makes me feel that this effort was worth it.
You can get the book here: Making Meaning: Counseling Psychology & Buddhist Practices to Create & Live the Life You Want Paperback
One of the main goals in couples counseling and family counseling is creating an efficient, consistent, massive positive change in the way we think, the way we feel, and the way we behave in our relationship.
If what lead you to this blog post was googling something like a "couples therapist near me", or "family therapy in Boulder", you probably are searching for a counselor just based on location.
You need to know however that even though there are many styles of marriage and family therapy, not all of them are created equal. What I mean by that is that some modalities are research based, and some are not, some are faster and some are slower in helping you create a better relationship.
That's why I believe that the best way for me to help couples and families in the most efficient and fastest way is to combine the marriage and family therapy methods that have been found scientifically effective, instead of just sticking to one that I like most.
Below you'll find an excerpt from my book that addresses how I combine the ideas of the 3 best modalities out of all the ones that I've been trained in, to improve relationships.
Emotionally Focused Therapy meets Gottman’s Couples Therapy, meets PACT couples therapy
It is important to remember that the cycle of distress in EFT is only a map; it is not the territory. Models are helpful because they simplify reality. However, the therapy model lacks details. If you are a therapist and are in love with the model, beware; do not forget the uniqueness of the people in front of you. If you can quickly identify the cycle of pursuer and withdrawer, that’s wonderful, but remember that people are always more complex than the roles they play. Reality is always richer than a model, and it is wise to consider other factors that contribute to the negative interactions beyond unmet attachment needs.
One primary goal of EFT is to de-escalate conflict; however, John and Julie Gottman, who did a lot of their work in creating their Gottman Couples Therapy on the shoulders of EFT, took it further toward emphasizing two major secondary goals, including increasing your friendship with your partner and having less intense or negative conflicts with them . Basically, it’s important to reduce conflict, but you don’t want to end up as just a roommate with your romantic partner, you also want to have a deep romantic and friendship bond, as well as learning to fight well.

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